Today I was faced with a challenge. I had to introduce myself to a classroom of 25 students. I had to tell them my name, my year, my major, where I am from, and a unique thing about me. OK, to most that's not an issue. As soon as I heard the first word "introduce" I nearly fell out of my seat not able to breathe.

Welcome to my world of social anxiety.

I don't know any of these kids, I am only going to be in a class with them for three weeks and probably never see them again because UB is so large. So why am I freaking out? Yeah I'd like to know the same thing.

Anytime I have to talk to someone I do not know, introduce myself, or even breathe in front of a group of people I feel as though I am dying. It's an awful adrenaline rush. I can almost feel it running through my veins. I start shaking, I can barely breathe, I can't talk or think straight, and I am sure I look like I am going to cry. That is probably what death feels like.

I somehow mumbled through that I am Samantha, a senior studying sociology with a concentration in health & society, that I am from Niagara Falls, I will be going back to school for airplane mechanics, and that I am competitive, that's what makes me unique. I could barely get half of the words out and I could feel myself trembling and it's so embarrassing because I am sure everyone could see it. It took me 10 minutes after the fact to stop shaking and then my headache began. Once all of the adrenaline is out of my system, it never fails I get a headache.

Still to this moment I am trying to figure out what everyone thought of me. Did they think I am a complete idiot, the way I felt? Did they notice how nervous and anxious I was? Did they think I was cracked out? Or did anyone even think "Hey, maybe I want to get to know her"? Yeah probably not.

The thing is, that's only one instance. This happens to me all of the time. It is something I avoid at all costs.

So what does that mean?

That means I have very few friends. I don't really go outside of my circle. I don't introduce myself to new people. I'll see a guy I'm interested in and just walk away, completely regretting it and beating myself up over it for days. I won't even ask my closest friends to hang out for fear of rejection. It has consumed my everyday. Sometimes I have to talk myself into leaving the house.

I have always had anxiety to some extent, but it has gotten worse since December of my senior year of high school, which I am sure some of you have heard about but I am really not going to elaborate.

I am trying to better myself. I want to get rid of my anxiety. I want people to see me for who I really am and not think I'm that shy girl who doesn't know how to talk. I want the room to light up when I walk in it, I don't want to feel like dying.

This is why I am doing the pageant. I need to thrust myself out of my comfort zone. I will have to stand on stage in front of a crap ton of people in an evening gown and a bikini. I am probably going to black out, I just hope I don't fall flat on my face.