Misconceptions.

Today I just wanted to clear a few things up because for years I've heard I was intimidating, or scary, or seemed stuck up and unapproachable. All of which I thought were jokes until recently I've realized, people are serious.

I always knew that some girl lacrosse players in the area were afraid of me, which I completely understand why. I've taken stick checks to the face, shots to the crotch (yes it was bruised down to my knee), I've been trampled, thrown, you name it, and I would pick myself up and finish the game. The only time I took a seat was when i tore my meniscus & ACL. There were also the stories of me knocking a girl out while on JV, me checking some poor girl in the back of the net, knocking girls on their ass when they would try to cut towards the net, purposely putting myself in harms way to stop a shot, and just my fearlessness with my stick. I loved defense, so I get that.

What I've never understood were the people who would tell me they thought all of those things about me who never once even looked at me on the field. The people I sat next to in classes, or at lunch, or would even see me walking through the hall. I was a quiet girl, I mostly kept to myself because I was terrified of EVERYONE. Well frankly, I still am. I really didn't get a warm welcome to Wheatfield.

I met the lacrosse team before even transferring to NW so naturally they were my first, and really only friends until my senior year of high school. I'm afraid of any sort of rejection. Whether it be just trying to make a friend, or trying to get a date. I am so completely self conscious that is has hindered me more than you all know. It's kind of funny though because when I do get the courage to talk to someone, or to hang out with anyone I usually (more often than not) get turned down, ignored, ditched, or talked bad about behind my back.

I don't avoid speaking to people because I'm stuck up. I avoid it because I'm shy, have social anxiety, and I am completely awkward. I don't know how to say "hi" to someone first, nor can I even text someone first. I'm afraid to ask anyone to hang out, what would I even do hanging out with someone? It's not because I think I'm better than anyone, it's actually the opposite. Sometimes I feel every one's too good for me and why would someone like you want to be friends with me? That's what I don't understand.

I am also not sure why anyone would be intimidated by me or scared of me. Maybe it's because I know what I want and I go for it. Or maybe it's because of my maturity level due to me having to grow up and be an adult at 10-11 years old. I also think it might be because I don't take any one's bullshit (unless of course we are dating, apparently I will deal with infinite amounts of bullshit).

I just want everyone to know, you can approach me. Even if we aren't friends, have barely ever spoken, if you need something I WILL help you. I love hanging out with people and having a good time, I also love having a real conversation, not just some bullshit. I'm a real person. I'm not stuck up, I'm not a bitch, I don't play games, I don't lie, and I am here when you need something. So I apologize for what ever has made people afraid of me, or what I have done to create misconceptions about me, but I promise if you were to give a chance you would see that you were probably wrong.